Umm... Sorry?

Chapter Seven

When Goldenberry returned that afternoon, both Elrond and Gandalf accompanied her. Bag End West was a spacious home by hobbit standards, but both the wizard and the elf had to stoop to enter. They asked Frodo and his ladies to meet with them in the large parlor because there was something important that needed to be discussed. Bilbo was also visiting and attended the meeting, not wanting to miss anything.

Frodo wasn’t certain what it was all about but trusted his friends and entered the room with Ethel on one arm and Bethel on the other looking rather contented. When all were seated and comfortable, he asked what the matter was.

“We’ve heard some reports, Frodo,” Gandalf began. “That your ladies are experiencing some sort of malady.” His face was stern, but his dark eyes twinkled with barely contained mirth. “And we were concerned enough to want to see if we could determine what the problem might be.” Frodo nodded with agreement.

“Oh, please do! I don’t know what the matter is and it distresses me. I always try to see that my ladies are taken good care of.”

“Oh, we can see you are ‘taking good care’ of them!” retorted Elrond with distress.

“Excuse me?” Frodo asked politely, not having the slightest clue what could have irritated the elven lord so.

“My dear Frodo,” Elrond said impatiently. “Just what have you been up to in this house we have so graciously provided you?” At that Frodo blushed crimson and many of the ladies giggled. Bilbo started snickering from his chair by the fire.

“Now, Elrond,” Gandalf soothed. “We did bring the ladies here to comfort him in his exile. You have to expect something of this sort.” Gandalf was having a hard time controlling the laughter in his voice.

“Yes, but there are more than THIRTY of them! And it’s only been a month!”

Quicksilver thought for a moment and shook her head. “No, actually we are closer to 50 by now…” she corrected. The look Elrond spared her was icy cold, but he rounded on a bewildered Frodo.

“FIFTY!?!?! What are you, hobbits or rabbits?” He began to pace, a difficult proposition in such a crowded room. “What were we thinking?! ‘We’ll bring the ringbearer to Tol Eressea, for all he has done and to give him peace’, but we didn’t expect you to start your own colony!” Elrond shook his head. “Fifty! I can’t believe it. It’s a wonder Middle Earth wasn’t crawling with hobbits!” He eyed Frodo with growing disapproval. “I wonder what you did in your ‘spare’ time, though I can’t see how you could possibly have had any!”

Frodo paled – he might have been a confirmed bachelor, but it was starting to dawn on him what Elrond was alluding to. Several of the ladies were also catching on and expressions in the room ranged from ecstatic delight to pale faced horror. Bilbo started laughing, his face beaming and tears of mirth streaming from his eyes. Ezzie, alarmed and thinking him overcome, patted his back and tried to be supportive but he was laughing so hard he fell right out of the chair to roll on the floor in hysterics. Hewene passed out on the spot.

“But… I’ve been here for years!” he protested. “And nothing like this has ever happened before! I thought it was impossible!”

“Obviously not.” Gandalf quit trying to hide his delight and roared with as much amusement as Bilbo. Frodo sank into the one chair left in the room, stunned.

“I had no idea such a thing was possible here!” He looked around the room and noted the varying expressions and excited chatter of his ladies. Ele fairly beamed at him. “Are you sure?” he asked, incredulously.

“Well, no, Frodo,” Goldenberry answered. “I haven’t checked anyone, but it fits all the symptoms and we suspect that elven medicine might have been to blame. It’s a pretty strong cure, so I am told.”

“I think ‘strong’ is an understatement.” Elrond looked around the room at the mix of beaming and distraught ladies. “The effects will wear off in time, Frodo, but I think the ‘damage’ is already done!”

“Wait a minute!” Hobmom cried a little fearfully. “Some of us haven’t gotten sick at all! Maybe we aren’t all…. You know…” she finished lamely, as if afraid to give the condition voice.

“Though not for lack of trying,” muttered Erendis almost but not quite under her breath and staring at Ariel, Elda and Pearl most especially.

“Yes,” Ele agreed. “I haven’t been sick in the slightest! In fact I feel wonderful! Darned! Trust my bad luck!” She looked genuinely depressed that she had not been throwing up every morning.

Lily and Mel gave Ele positively withering looks. Stormy cleared her throat but was grinning. “Well, some lucky souls never do experience the joys of morning sickness…” she informed them. “Doesn’t mean they aren’t just as pregnant. My guess is you will find out for sure soon enough.”

Frodo was still trying desperately to get his mind around the news. It was beyond anything he had even hoped to imagine and he wasn’t sure about how he felt. Well, there were far worse things that could have happened, he had to admit, and the thought of a houseful of little ones, all his, did have a growing appeal. He tried very hard to keep the grin that was threatening to show on his face as he addressed the increasingly vexed Elrond.

“Um, am I… in trouble?” he asked fearfully.

At that Elrond threw up his hands, defeated. “Even if you were, what could we do about it now?!” The elf fell back into his chair and studied the hobbit. Frodo was having an increasingly hard time keeping the grin off his face. “I still can’t get over the number….fifty, and in even fewer days! My dear boy, that’s a feat nearly equal to destroying the ring! I am astonished! Though I dare say, I don’t know what we are going to do about it. I suppose you should be punished, but I haven’t the slightest idea what we would punish you for.” He looked around the room at the still chattering haremites. “Unless it could be for ‘endurance’!”

Frodo blushed and Bilbo started howling in hysterics all over again. Gandalf was grinning ear to ear and most of the ladies, getting over their initial shock had begun to crowd around Frodo to tearfully hug him. Hewene was still out cold on the floor.

“I wouldn’t be too hard on the boy,” Gandalf said to Elrond, trying to raise his laughing voice over the din. “I think being in a house with 50 hobbit lasses, all pregnant at the same time will be punishment enough.”

Luckily, Frodo didn’t hear the comment, but he certainly would find out what Gandalf meant in time.

Then End.... Or perhaps just the beginning?